Lately, I’ve been preachy. Preaching to my girlfriends, the ones that inquire, about not accepting what you don’t want and letting go of what no longer serves you. All the while, I’ve been practicing nothing of the sort.
The truth is, when you’ve convinced yourself that the present situation is the only option, it’s easy to settle for less without even knowing it. For example, I’ve currently been nursing a ridiculous situationship with my ex-boyfriend for the sake of a love we once shared, and convincing myself that he’s what works for me “right now”. But the reality of the situation is: I have a history of loving unavailable men, and he’s just the next Picasso in the patchwork.
Yes, the saying is overdone, and even oversimplified, but most times it’s true that “they're an ex for a reason”. And in this case, that reason is that he has things to reckon within himself before he could even attempt to begin a healthy, loving, romantic relationship. But instead of me acknowledging that, and taking this time to do some personal self-improvement, I’m steadily accepting dates, family appearances, and quality time with him in the name of validation and not being alone. And I don’t know when I became the woman who doesn’t want to be alone, but man, is it humbling.
The point I’m making is that I could continue to accept the freebies and comfort I get from this situation, but I will remain very obviously unfulfilled. I don’t want to spend another year on maybe-baby status; I want the real thing. So this is how we get it:
The way the universe works is, you tell it what you want, right? But you know how it *really* works? You show it. I have a history of romancing unavailable men because that is what I accept. And because I accept them, I continue to attract them—make sense? If you keep accepting what you don’t want, the universe will review your actions and assume the opposite. Don't be afraid or too modest to administer rejection or say no. Once you show the universe what you’re ready for, it will conspire to provide in your favor.
So if you are struggling to make sense of a current situation, whether you’re attached or unattached and yearning--answer these next questions honestly, clean your mirror, and choose more.
- Is this really the person you want to build a life with?
- Do you want more?
- Would you change them if you could?
- Are you happy?
This article was written by contributing writer, Patti Swayne. View more of her work here.