If you aren’t sleeping under a rock, you are probably up to date with the madness that follows ABC’s hit drama, “How To Get Away With Murder”. Don’t worry, there are no spoilers here! However, a recent episode prompted a very interesting discussion amongst my friends.
In an intense scene, one of the leading characters, Nate, tells Annalise that no one could ever love her the way he loved his wife. Ouch!
This painful attack brought on a conversation in one of my many group chats. The question: What’s the worst thing a lover has ever said to you? The responses were overwhelming and ranged from “You’ll be a terrible mother” as one woman expressed the news of pregnancy to “You are nothing” during a break-up.
It wasn’t the hateful words that tripped me up about these conversations; it was the damage it had done to us all. People say really mean things in arguments, that’s not breaking news. The part that was so common was that each of us could actually remember how our self-esteem changed, how we internalized these moments and allowed them to create delusions about ourselves. We had all been holding on to these words and added them as a guard to the secret box of insecurities we’d all been hiding under our beds.
I was grateful for this conversation because it made me take a good look at all of the other things I’d let myself believe as a result of something someone has said to me. I think it’s so important to address the things that make us strong, but additionally, we must take a good look at the things that have made us weak. If we ever want to find a mate that will enhance our beauty, elevate our minds and capture our true hearts, we must let go of the toxic memories from the past.