Monday, November 16, 2015

Dear Diary: My Latest "Netflix & Chill" Encounter



Dear Diary, 

You won't believe what the hell I just saw! Okay, you know by now that I am just a little bit (maybe a lot a bit) dramatic but seriously....my eyes didn't deserve this! 

So I get home from a long day, hang my coat and my keys up, put down my purse and a text comes in on my hotline bling, it reads "You want to chill tonight?". Knowing me Diary, you know I then replied "What does this "chill" situation involve.....food or nah?". In my mind I was thinking......I know he is not trying to hit me with the "Netflix & Chill"?! 


The gentleman who I saved in my phone as "Quiktrip, black car, Tuesday night" reassured me that we were "just going to watch a movie" and yes food was involved, so being the foodie that I am..... I agreed.Maybe I'm wrong because I only decided  to go because I was hungry and bored; none of my shows were on, I looked up Target's weekly ad earlier that day and no.....nothing was worth the trip so....I thought free food and a good movie would be lit. Hell, FREE food is always lit! 

I get over there, and this is where things get interesting. "Quiktrip, black car, Tuesday night" opens the door. 


Him: "Hey, how are you"
*Hug*
Me:"I'm good"
*Steps in and takes a GOOD look around* 
Me:"This is nice, it smells good in here"
*He smiles, thanks me for the compliment...I get further in and get a chance to take a BETTER look around*

Diary, he invited me over and didn't bother to clean up! His bedroom door was open, I see dirty boxers on the floor, bed not made, carpet filthy! In my mind, my good angel is telling me "Wait it out, don't judge him on this", while my bad angel is simply telling me to "Ruuuuuuuuuun" like it was a black Friday sale and I was gunning for a flat screen TV that we all know they only have about six of! 

Me:"Where is your bathroom?" 
*Points to a door next to his bedroom* 
Me:"Okay, I'll be right back"

Did I have to go to the bathroom? No, but did I have to scope out the cleanliness of his bathroom, yes, especially if I was going to lean back on his couch and eat his food, the bathroom better be clean. It was dirty. And do you know when I looked in to the toilet there were ten clipped toenails (yes I counted), I closed my eyes, proceeded to count to ten, to make sure I wasn't tripping! Reached for my phone (team iPhone) took pictures and sent them to my best friend via a text message that read: 

"EXIT STRATEGY PLEASE! NO BUENO!!!"

You thought I was staying? Seriously Diary, you know me better than that! Like, did he think I was a clown? He sure did invite me to the circus! I don't care if he had Filet Mignon for dinner and Patti's sweet potato pie for desert, it was a "no" from me. 

So, I Came out of the bathroom, walked past the bedroom, into the living room, past the Tv that  displayed the "Netflix" logo, into the kitchen where "Quiktrip, black car, Tuesday night" was and told him:

Me: "I have to go, I am so sorry, my friend just called me, she ran out of gas on 85 and I have to go and get her" 
Him: "Really, no one else can get her? I thought we were going to get to know each other better"
*Yanks me close, starts feeling on me...I push away* 
Me: "Nope, I have to go get her NOW...so sorry...I feel so bad because you cooked all this food"

I really didn't feel bad and this is what I get because how many times Diary, how many times do I come to you with these unfortunate situations that always end with me realizing that I shouldn't put myself into situations with people that I know nothing or very little about. Now I'm still hungry! Next time self, don't respond to a "chill" text if he hasn't even at least took you on a real date...you don't know him! Like, how many episodes of Last 48, The Perfect Murderer or Sex took me to the slammer do you have to watch to get that people are crazy?


Disclaimer: Dear daughter....one day you'll inherit all of my diaries so you can learn from all of mommy's mistakes...please don't think mommy is crazy. Mommy *repeat after me* is NOT crazy. 

New rule, you have to be Bae if I ever decide to go over and "Chill" anywhere and that is that. Excuse me, my stomach is growling....I have to go. 

Entry 99. 9/28/2015



Written by: Lex Chappelle





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